Moved in and Everything

Its done! Im officially a college boy. So now both aspects are complete. The return from Israel, and the stepping into college. Now i can officially compare and contrast, describe my journey, evolve my thought.
Im telling you, im really excited. It was a great move, im all settled in, got my laptop hooked up, and my friends (at least those who came to YU) in the close vicinity. But thats not whats making me comfortable. I realized something here. I work here! I work here. Lemme explain:
I have everything infront of me. I live ontop of a beit medrash, where I can grow and excel spiritually. Everything I hunger to learn is laid out infront of me. There is an amazing spiriutal staff here at Yeshiva University, ready to teach, or help me with whatever I like.
There is great group of people whom which I share a similar drive, but not necessarily a similar point of view. I can learn, challange myself - GROW! I get to do it all here, away from distractions.
And in seculuar studies, down the block are all the classes I might ever want to go to. I cant wait to pick up the books, stimulate the mind, and really just develop as a person.
There is a gym here, and a cafeteria for my physical growth ;-). And I have the privacy of my room, for working on my midot as per reflection from daily encounters.
If I am depressed, I can just be alone in my room, without anyone to bother me.
If I get homesick? I can take the hour to go home and be with my family, as I plan to do on Shabbat.
If I want to have fun, im surrounded by guys my age, but good guys, who are ready to have some good clean fun.
Its a great place, and a wonderful time in life. A time where I can grow into myself, and be the best me that I can be.
Im ready.

If We Only Understood

A lesson I relearned recently is that we just dont understand other people. More important than to know this information, we must live it. And no, im not telling you treat people nicely now, because you dont know anything about them, im telling you to treat yourself nicely because you dont understand their feelings. Confused?
How well do we really know ourselves? There are tons of things I wouldnt want people to know about me. I have really terrible habbits, I'm incredibly selfish, I may behave - but definatly not instinctively. If people really knew our instincts? But thats the thing, only I know myself. None of you know me. If I kill or rape, I may be doing it out of the goodness of my heart, because you dont know what I'm capable of. Comforting, eh?
On a light example, lets look at things this way. Lets say you were at a proffessional business office. Youre working on an important business project, and you have AOL instant messenger open, on your special business related screen name. The CFO of the company you are working for looks over your shoulder, as you are about to show him an issue you are having with the accounting. All of a sudden, your neice's best friend sends you an instant message: "Guess who's coming to town?!" - needless to say, youre embarassed. Why? You werent proffesional. But that bloke standing behind you should realize, as should you, that he too has a personal life, and that we all have hidden emotions and desires.
But its important for us to incorporate this philosophy into our daily thoughts. We must realize that we control our own emotions. A rainy day gets you down? Your dishwasher broke, so youre upset? Then you are a slave to chance. If we realize our ultimate goals, then we should be sad or happy because of our successes and failures, not because of what chance throws at us. Thats just illogical. More extremely, but equally logical, one cannot let someone else upset them. Are you feeling mad that someone did something they shouldnt have? Sad because you have been let down? YOU are in control, YOU must realize that people have their own tests, that they are in their own worlds, that we cannot understand them, and thus we cannot judge, or be disappointed. The only world that we can concern ourselves, and let affect our emotions, is our own selves.
Yoda himself said it. If you are afraid of losing someone, then the best way to deal with that fear is to let go. One cannot let someone or something else become a part of him, because we just dont have control over things that our outside of ourselves. It is therefore illogical to invest our emotions in it. Thats not to say that we should become robots, on the contrary, we can be disappointed in our family or friends, we can love as well. But we shouldnt get hurt or consumed with these emotions. We have the power to control ourselves.
Next time you get hurt, brood over this message. It will make you feel strong, and powerful - that you are in control, and that you are free of chance and others. It will clear your mind to properly deal with the situation, to express your emotion to those that hurt you, in a sensible and productive matter. It will calm your anger, and assuage your frustration. After all, when its all up to you, why would you let yourself be miserable?

Tisha bi'av

Ive always found Tisha B'av to be a very difficult day. Not because i was emotionally distraught, but because I wasnt. Its a day of mourning, but sometimes, we're so out of touch that we feel out of place, or uncomfortable mourning!
This is a plea to each and every one of you to make your own Tisha B'av meaningful. No one is going to do it for you. Its important that we take the day off, sit and think, study the kinot, and connect to your heritage.
What will mourning do? Why cry over spilt milk? Because we can put the milk back. Mourning is to help us understand exactly what happened, and what we lost. Yeah, Israel is really pretty, Jerusalem is really great, and boy - oh - boy, it mustve been a really swell temple. But until I came across a certain gemara, I thought we were just another nation crying over the destroyed asthetic beauty of our city, and our homeland. But hey, we're back there - right? The mean arabs wont let us rebuild our temple? Is that why we are so upset?
We arent crying for a loss of architecture. But if not that, then what? Is it the tremendous loss of life? That could be it. The Kinot do talk a lot about that, as well as megilat eicha. 6 million jews were lost in the holocaust, more than the destruction of the temples. Jewish history is filled with casualties, but they are all mourned on one day - Tisha B'av. Loss of life is what we mourn, but coupled with one thing I find to be most important:
I came across a gemara a little while ago that for the first time, allowed me to say veliyerushalayim in my shemoneh esrai, and not feel shallow doing it. The gemara said something to the effect of: "How great is the city of Jerusalem that boys and girls of ages 17 and 16 could play with each other in the streets and not lust after one another." *blink* Its not the korbanot each day in the temple, its not the thousands of Torah scholars, no, its ALL of that, that was able to create an atmosphere where such a thing could occur. You know what? I think thats amazing. To reach such a level, where the boys and girls realized who they were before God, and their roles, how to fulfill them, and saw good from evil, in such a clear way, in a city that supported it, and made it possible - THAT is what we lost.
And it was a deterioration that caused the destruction in the end.
I always asked myself what is the big deal about achdut, and sinat chinam, and respecting others and all that. Its just bein adam lichavero, isnt bein adam limakom so much more important? The gemara says that the world's purpose wouldve been fulfilled with each person alone. We have to realize that it isnt just you out there, others arent inferior to you. You just cant judge them, because you dont know their netiot, their natural inclinations, and how much theyve failed or how much theyve succeeded in overcoming them. The greatest tzadik to you, might just be the biggest failure as per his potential. And you get the jist...
But if you cant recognize that God's purpose exists outside of you, then you havent really recognized God's purpose at all! Its the clearest admission that you are all about you. A human is worthless unless he somehow fulfills God's purpose, and since we are told that all humans fulfill God's purpose then we must be kind to them.
But meditate on what we lost. Realize that the sin of that time is perpetuated throughout our own. I caused the destruction of our temple, the destruction of a society of truth and beauty. I am a killer of truth. With these heavy thoughts we can enter into Tisha B'av and perhaps then be able to properly enter the month of Elul.
Good Shabbos, and have a meaningful day - it depends on you.

Follow the Leader or Follow the Heart?

As I have recently discovered blogging, I've been surfing the Jewish blogs. Mainly the frum ones. What I've found quite interesting is the different level of observance among those that are Orthodox, and their intolerance for other levels of observance.
Ive seen the Kashrut restrictions on tzeniut of waitresses being imposed on those who dont exactly follow the halachot of tzeniut, when two sorts of hashgachot should really be passed. One okaying the food, and the other, the ambiance. We need to accomodate every Jew no matter their level.
Another type of intolerance I've seen on the Blogs is a "can you believe what the Jewish community is coming to" sort of attitude. "When women cant wear tank tops, then you know the Jewish community is down the drain." Or, boy, our communities are becoming more and more close minded.
I spent shabbos earlier this year in the city of Bnei Berak, an almost entirely charedi community. And i'll tell you something: Theyre not opressed, theyre happy. Its not like the women dont have rights or anything, they are proud to self-impose restrictions. Its not like me'ah she'arim where they throw stones at you if you dont comply, these people created a framework for life that they are happy with. I think we need to respect that!
Charedim are happy with the 9 children, in a 2 room apartment, with simple food and such. They live a different lifestyle, and its not our own, but so what?! Are we so shallow to think that our hapiness, or even our role fulfillment depends on our freedom of dress, our monetary status, or something like that? In our world, if you dont like society's restrictions, you can leave your society. It really works for some people.
And not just charedim, but even within the Modern Orthodox communities. There are girls who will go out their in the 90 degree weather wearing their 3 quarter sleeves. Kudos to them! Its just a different framework a different lifestyle.
But worse than all this are those that say: "I dont think God intended, or I doubt that Judaism really thinks..." Because generally these lines are said about something that is a clear halachah. So you may not accept the halacha upon yourself, but to presume that you are familiar with the massechtot of Shas, with the sifrei halacha of the poskim, rishonim and achronim - I mean, do you know how much material there is out there? THATS a huge part of what Judaism is based on! There is a chain of mesorah, from God, to Moshe, to the Talmud, to the Rishonim that made halachot from the Talmud, to the Achronim, and our current generation that interpret those halachot. There is a chain of command. And just because Judaism gets in the way of your dress, doesnt mean that you should eliminate the rule from Judaism, perhaps you should eliminate the dress! Or at least think about it. Or better yet, respect those who do!
I was taught that Shulchan Aruch always comes first. But again, now I get myself scared. When should we follow the leader, and when should we follow our heart? Our heart tells us that its okay for boys and girls to talk at the pizza shops, but the Rambam tells us otherwise.
Well, I have to say I respect the opinion of those who say its okay for boys and girls to talk at the pizza shops. Guys need to learn how to talk to girls, and vice versa. In this day and age, things are diferent. But to say that its crazy to say that Judaism says for guys and girls to talk at a Pizza shop, thats just unfair.
We have to remember that there is no such thing as objective morality. Its bad to sleep with your sister. Why? Its icky? What makes it not moral? Nothing. What about an animal, or a man with a man? Just beacuse you dont want to do it, doesnt make it immoral. Some people do like that kinda stuff.
Things are immoral beacuse God defined it that way! Period. So whatever we picked up from American society as being wrong or immoral, or right and moral can easily be tossed. Its a man's freedom to wear a tanktop? It would be immoral to deny him that privledge? The only thing that is immoral are things that are against God's will. And God's will is for a man to wear sleeves to his elbow (see the Mishna Berurah). It keeps a person in a proper framework and state of mind, to remember (and I quote form Fiddler on the Roof) who he is , and what God expects him to do.
But back to my original question - When are we too structured, and when can we follow our hearts? Well believe it or not, life aint so black and white. And in those gray areas, we can toss in our judgement calls. In choosnig our poskim, we have to use our hearts, because we have no other tools. Where is the best place to live? Where should I go to school? These questions arent halachik, they are questions for your heart and mind. There might be some halachik issues to consider, but thats what halacha is - a way, a path, and it constantly reminds us of our responsibility.
But lets have respect for those who arent yet on your halachik level, and for those who are higher too.
Stay tuned...

Coming Back From Israel Yeshiva, and the Whole New World

This is my first blogging post, so scuse me if i'm a little nervous. So im back from my year in Israel (woulda been two if not for the fact that my parents are Israeli, and I wouldve been drafted), and course, i feel like I know everything! Well, not really...
The trend of recent years for high school kids in Modern Orthodox society, has been to ship off once graduating and spend a year or two in Israel "flipping out". Boy, I really dislike that term.
Another trend has been the return from Israel, to a society that is unwilling to accept the changes made in Israel, so the person bounces back to his original, or maybe a litter frummer than his original self. But what I find unfortunate and hypocritical is jewish society's unopen arms.
The year in Israel is a time of reflection, of discovering one's self, away from society, away from a past life. It is the optimal time and place for inner growth. In Israel, one doesnt grow just spiritually, its so much more than that.
Disconnecting from your previous life allows you to look at it in a whole new light. To view your acheivements, and to discover your failures. When being plopped down in a new atmosphere, with totally new friends, your flaws come out as do your strengths.
So here is the issue: The Parents of these kids think that they are coming home brainwashed! Yeah, ill admit, the Rabbeim there do try to push their own ideals at the kids, but the kids arent any more willing to accept these ideals than they were in high school! Parents should perhaps credit their kids more, with a discovery of truth, as opposed to attachment to a "holier than thou" doctrine. I'll be the first to admit, many kids do come home attached to such a doctrine, and it can really bother the family, but many do not. Many have discovered truth, and come home to an unwelcoming family.
What I've learned in Israel is that there is a lot more to something than you think. Thats why I feel like I came back a bigger ignoramus than when I left. But thats a good thing, our life is about learning, and I mean seriously learning. More often than not, we define good as "what we do" and bad as "what others do". It is important for us to step back from our lives, and re-analyze, and allow for change. I think these Israel kids can really affect the Jewish community in America, if only we'd let them.
Many people resist to these Israel kids because they dont want their lives to change. If you arent open to change, you are stagnant, and cannot grow. Always assume you are flawed, and not complete, so lets embrace these Israel kids and incorporate them into our communities to create a better future for klal Yisroel.