Tisha bi'av

Ive always found Tisha B'av to be a very difficult day. Not because i was emotionally distraught, but because I wasnt. Its a day of mourning, but sometimes, we're so out of touch that we feel out of place, or uncomfortable mourning!
This is a plea to each and every one of you to make your own Tisha B'av meaningful. No one is going to do it for you. Its important that we take the day off, sit and think, study the kinot, and connect to your heritage.
What will mourning do? Why cry over spilt milk? Because we can put the milk back. Mourning is to help us understand exactly what happened, and what we lost. Yeah, Israel is really pretty, Jerusalem is really great, and boy - oh - boy, it mustve been a really swell temple. But until I came across a certain gemara, I thought we were just another nation crying over the destroyed asthetic beauty of our city, and our homeland. But hey, we're back there - right? The mean arabs wont let us rebuild our temple? Is that why we are so upset?
We arent crying for a loss of architecture. But if not that, then what? Is it the tremendous loss of life? That could be it. The Kinot do talk a lot about that, as well as megilat eicha. 6 million jews were lost in the holocaust, more than the destruction of the temples. Jewish history is filled with casualties, but they are all mourned on one day - Tisha B'av. Loss of life is what we mourn, but coupled with one thing I find to be most important:
I came across a gemara a little while ago that for the first time, allowed me to say veliyerushalayim in my shemoneh esrai, and not feel shallow doing it. The gemara said something to the effect of: "How great is the city of Jerusalem that boys and girls of ages 17 and 16 could play with each other in the streets and not lust after one another." *blink* Its not the korbanot each day in the temple, its not the thousands of Torah scholars, no, its ALL of that, that was able to create an atmosphere where such a thing could occur. You know what? I think thats amazing. To reach such a level, where the boys and girls realized who they were before God, and their roles, how to fulfill them, and saw good from evil, in such a clear way, in a city that supported it, and made it possible - THAT is what we lost.
And it was a deterioration that caused the destruction in the end.
I always asked myself what is the big deal about achdut, and sinat chinam, and respecting others and all that. Its just bein adam lichavero, isnt bein adam limakom so much more important? The gemara says that the world's purpose wouldve been fulfilled with each person alone. We have to realize that it isnt just you out there, others arent inferior to you. You just cant judge them, because you dont know their netiot, their natural inclinations, and how much theyve failed or how much theyve succeeded in overcoming them. The greatest tzadik to you, might just be the biggest failure as per his potential. And you get the jist...
But if you cant recognize that God's purpose exists outside of you, then you havent really recognized God's purpose at all! Its the clearest admission that you are all about you. A human is worthless unless he somehow fulfills God's purpose, and since we are told that all humans fulfill God's purpose then we must be kind to them.
But meditate on what we lost. Realize that the sin of that time is perpetuated throughout our own. I caused the destruction of our temple, the destruction of a society of truth and beauty. I am a killer of truth. With these heavy thoughts we can enter into Tisha B'av and perhaps then be able to properly enter the month of Elul.
Good Shabbos, and have a meaningful day - it depends on you.